after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
