he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
