i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
