so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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