Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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