I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
