my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
