What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize