it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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