Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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