bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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