So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
