Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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