wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
