why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
