My hand turned me down
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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