Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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