I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
