this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
