At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
