So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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