I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
