Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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