I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
