dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
