do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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