we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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