Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
