ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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