im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
