Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
