I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
