I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
