You just made me feel so damn special
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
