she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
