I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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