He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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