We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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