Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
