yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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