Sry I called you an 8
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
