made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
