can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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