I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
