Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
