Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We're not piercing ourselves today.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
