I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
