I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
