Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize