Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
handjob tips. give me some.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
