shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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