it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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