So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
