Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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