i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
