am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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