these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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