Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
