I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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