If that was your dad, he is hot
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
