you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sacagawea was the original milf.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
