You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
