her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
