no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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