filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
