So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
