Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
