I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
