Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
