is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
