i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
