Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
