How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
