Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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