It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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